Rage Incomparable
Others want it, they can have it! I mean why all the fuss, right? Well, it’s not that simple. There are times when living just is not as fulfilling as others. Welcome to the See-Saw of life. Is this torment and torrential downpour of what ifs, when, and how, ever going to stop? What is all this for anyway? So that later on in life I can succumb like the many countless thousands of others._______!!! I wish that luxury was afforded me! As a result, I am very intensely disturbed at the present moment. Then, later on when human nature goes into “cruise control” and the feelings dissipate, I start to feel the ease and internal ambiance change as well as the exterior. I guess I am tired of the “roller coaster rides” which bring their most uncomfortable lows and their dignified highs. ________ I wish it were that _______easy!
So many questions to the proverbial jests, quests, and mysteries of life, it is a miracle of God I am still here. Frustrated to the point I want to get in my vehicle and ride until I run out of gas and never look back. Or better yet, off myself and indulge in the best and strongest_____possible. Oh? I forgot I don’t have that _______ luxury!!!
Life and its many unexpected twists and turns can hinder progress. I have to be quick as a Hummingbird and nimble as a Cheetah to be ahead of life. Therefore, I do what is necessary. Others are extremely proficient, some—-like me— just try in the hopes that transcendence can draw closer above all this human filth of emotion which consumes me to my very core making me do and think things I never thought possible and wanting to give up. This______ sucks right now.
I need to escape, or in the very least seek a place where the nuances of everyday angst and despair have no possible reach. I want to roam freely and do the things I have settled in my mind to do. I can’t help it and feel this tremendous burden which at times seems to grip me. I seek a special kind of guidance, perhaps from the Heavens.
I know You find no pleasure in incredulity, but are You really out there? Do You see what is going on? If so, why do You continue to let this feeling overwhelm me? Are You not supposed to intervene for Your children? I do apologize in the hopes that in doing so You can forgive me for my unbelieving heart and hopefully You will do something sooner, rather than later. The mere questions, question my faith.
The thoroughfare I find myself in is one which is traveled quite often and seems to have numerous trekkers en-route. I feel as though my exit will come up shortly. But, for now there seems to be no end in sight. This is life and the many surprising and uneventful moments make it – in a masochistic way- more enjoyable. Sometimes I should distort my realities to make them more palatable. Oh! I almost forgot, that is what controlled substances do to addicts.________ I still don’t have that luxury! I refuse to go that route, for it is not an option. Time will tell what the course of events will be, it always does.
